


Please, (Don't) Leave Me

by Malec_Magnificent



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Assumptions, Baz proposes, Break Up, Depressed Simon Snow, Hurt, Hurt Baz, M/M, Misunderstandings, No cheating, Penny has a headache, So much angst, dumb simon, hurt Simom, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-03-30 08:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13948020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malec_Magnificent/pseuds/Malec_Magnificent
Summary: Simon Snow has been depressed after losing his magic but Baz truly is trying his best to be there for his lover. What will happen when they break up due to a misunderstanding, while still in love with each other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, this is like, pure angst. I have an exam tomorrow and exams are the worst part of the year because of all the pressure and expectations.
> 
> Also I'm sorry if Simon is a bit ooc cuz I can write Baz's POV but I don't relate much to Simon so I can't write him that well. 
> 
> So all the angst is fueled by my exams and I'll post the second part maybe tomorrow or the day after. If you're a slut for angst like me, then I think you'll like it.
> 
> Also, I haven't abandoned my other fanfic I'm just a bit busy lately.

I sigh as I check my phone again, no texts or calls from Baz. I throw my phone on the bed angrily. I would've been worried dead aif it were the first time, but unfortunately it isn't. 

The first time it happened was when I had woken up in the middle of the night thirsty, I drank the water from the glass on the nightstand and had almost fallen back to sleep when I had realized that Baz wasn't there, he came back home two hours later.

It's been happening for a while, Baz would come home late, thinking I'm asleep and then pretend everything is okay the next day. I always pretend to be asleep, because I can't bear to see him come home probably after a date with someone else and not just burn everything right then and there.

He talks on the phone in hushed voices when he thinks I'm not paying attention. I've spotted him getting out of this restaurant where we go on our usual dates twice. He has changed his phones password so that I wouldn't use it.

Baz is cheating on me...

But, I don't get it. Everything had been going so well. 

It's our two years anniversary in a week, but I'm not sure if our relationship will be existent till then. We had found this nice apartment that we could afford and moved in together. Penny now shared the old one with her boyfriend Micah. We used to go on dates, spend movie nights cuddling, all was well. But about one month ago, he started disappearing. He would be gone for hours without telling me anything about it. 

The first time it happened, I was worried sick and burning with anger and jealousy. But later on it kept happening to the point where I don't care anymore. As long as I know he's alive and probably happy in the company of whomever it is. 

Because I still love him...

I've always been unlovable. Why else would my parents leave me? I understood why Baz doesn't want me anymore, he is tired of me, I mean, who wouldn't be?

He must be tired of all the times he finds me crying on the stairs in the middle of nights or the times I push everyone away and spend days not talking to him, or the times I throw silly tantrums just because not having my magic hurts, it's hurts so bad. 

Or maybe it's the times when I've hugged him for hours and not let him go, all the times I've ruined his shirts by crying on them, all the times I've kept him from a meeting or something important by asking him to stay, because I've felt so scared and alone. 

Maybe I'm too clingy and pathetic. 

Baz fell in love with the Mage Simon, the chosen one. Not this magicless tragedy that I am now. It's not fair for him to have to spend his whole life with me. He's probably staying with me just out of pity at this point.

I hear the door open and shut slowly. I quickly wipe my tears with my palms, glancing at the clock I realize it's 2 am. I get in bed and pull the covers up. I'll break up with him tomorrow and finally free him from the unwanted burden that this relationship has become for him.

 

******

 

He sitting on the couch, reading a book, I suppose it's the best time. I go and sit besides him, he looks at me and smiles, giving me a peck on the lips. I feel bad for him, doing all of this when he's probably disgusted by me.

"Baz, we need to talk. I have something to tell you," I say, feeling a lump forming in my throat. He puts the book down and shifts so he is facing me now.

"What is it?" He asks, his left hand coming up to cup my face. I want to scream at him, to stop all the pretending when he clearly doesn't love me and is seeing someone else.

I hold his hand and bring it down, "Baz..." I try to say, finding it difficult to keep my voice from cracking and the tears from falling.

" I...I want to break up," I finally say, looking down. Partially to hide my tears and partially because I don't think my heart will be able to take the look of joy on his face.

"Simon, What happened love?" he says while holding both my hands firmly with his. I can't take it anymore. I pull my hands away sharply and stand up.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!?! YOU ARE ASKING ME WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! I'M TIRED OF IT!!! I'M SO DONE WITH THIS!!!" I shout at him angrily and walk out. I hear Baz calling me from behind but I don't care, I quickly grab a cab and go to the one place where I can feel safe, Penny.

 

~Baz 

I don't follow Simon, because although I don't understand what he's talking about, he still needs space. But what I don't get is why he wants to break up with me? I means it's true that I'm not the most perfect boyfriend on earth but I'm trying my best for him. It was our two years anniversary in a week, I had been planning to propose to him.

It was actually very hard to get all the arrangements done without him knowing. I had made a reservation in advance, we would be the only ones in his favorite restaurant. I had even drove to the Pitch manor a for a while at night to get the traditional Pitch Ring my father gave to my mother. It had been tiring to be honest. I couldn't go during the day because Penny and I were co workers and she would probably tell Simon if I took a day off. Being an ambassador of Magic means very few days off so I had to drive to the manor multiple times at night while Simon was asleep to find the location of the ring.

After father passed away my step mum moved to the city and I was the only one with a key to the Manor but no information as to where my mothers wedding ring was kept. As if make my work even more difficult, father had spell proofed my mums belongings. On the fourteenth night I finally found it in a drawer in the abandoned storage.

I really was trying to make it the most special night of his life. Simon is strong but he is fragile on the inside, one can only suffer so much. He's still as stubborn as he used to be but he's changed in some ways which scares me. Sometimes he cuts off every contact from the world, refuses to go to university and even stops talking to me. I understand that he is still in pain from losing his magic but I want to be there for him. He is the love of my life after all. 

But maybe I'm not being good enough? Maybe I don't give him enough time due to my job or maybe I'm just too boring for him? Maybe he.....doesn't love me anymore?

Simon wants to break up with me, I think he already did. Maybe he found someone else? Someone who is there for him when I am busy with meetings, someone who holds him a little longer, someone who is able to make him smile a little more. My heart clenches in my chest at the thought of Snow with someone else, it physically hurts me. But I won't be selfish, if he is happier with someone else, then I don't want to be the one holding him down.

Ever since I heard his laughter in fifth year, I've been in love with him and I don't think I'll ever stop. I was planning on marrying him, spending the rest of our lives blessed by the holy Union, maybe even adopt a child at some point. But if Simon doesn't want it, then I'll try and be happy for him.

I grab my coat and get in my car, with only one destination in mind, the bar downtown where I can drink to the point where this hollow ache in my heart fades and I remember nothing.


	2. Don't Read If You Aren't Maria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is pure angst and it doesn't have a happy ending and this isn't how I was going to write the next chapter. This chapter is only for my friend Maria so don't read it if you don't want a cruel ending. The actual second chapter that I have written for this fic will be posted tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, do not read!

I try to keep my feelings at bay while passing the streets Simon and I once used to pass through hand in hand, laughing. The old hotdog man is no longer where he used to be, the building for the bakery used by the old woman- who baked the finest sour cherry scones that Simon loves is no longer a bakery. It is being used for a bank. The pavement has flowers on both sides now. It's been five years, so much has happened, so much has changed. Except for one thing, my love for Simon Snow.

I wonder if he still lives here? There hasn't been a day ever since the day he broke up with me that I haven't thought of him. I remember how the next day I had tried to call him, talk to him, I had even went to Penny but she hadn't allowed me to see Simon. Her words are still fresh in my mind

"He doesn't want to see you! Don't you see how miserable you've made him and yet you want to bring him even more pain?! I thought you were better than this Baz. He doesn't want you in his life, get lost!"

And I did as Simon wanted, I sent a letter to the Mage council and demanded to be transferred to another city. A week later, I found myself in New York. I had been working there ever since, until I was told that the ambassador of Mages in London was on leave for two weeks and I was sent back in here since I had experience with work in here.

At first I almost refused, not knowing how I would feel if I see Simon. It was scary to think of meeting Simon after five years. The hollow ache in my chest never stopped since that day. It's been following me everywhere I go. No matter how far from Snow I am, his pained face from our last time seeing each other still haunts me. I could never move on, 

I'm still in love with him.

*****

It's evening when the meeting finally ends. A good time for a walk in the park nearby I think. But even now I'm hesitant to go. There are way too many memories in this park that remind me of what I have lost. But I try to reassure myself, at least Simon is happy.

I walk inside, taking in the sweet fragrance of the jasmines that are near the entrance. Simon always loved the smell, saying he wanted a perfume with jasmine scent. 

There was a time I used to try not to think of Simon but I'm past that point now. I know that it's helpless now. So I let my heart recall memories with Simon all it wants. It's the least that I can do for my aching heart.

I'm just walking towards the ice cream stand when my greatest nightmare and biggest dream comes true. I hear a voice oh so familiar to my ears and soul.

"You can't catch me!" I hear him say in a sing song way and I jerk my head towards my right to see the most beautiful yet painful sight ever.

My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes are stinging. My heart is beating fast, I feel like I have to hold it or else it will burst out. He's chasing a little boy, his golden curls are just as perfect as they used to be, he is handsome as ever. And most importantly, he's happy. He's laughing as he chases the little boy, faking defeat to make him happy.

He's sitting on the grass panting when he finally sees me and I can hear him gasp. Our eyes lock and it's like the night in the forest all over again. 

He stands up and slowly walks towards me, as if not believing I'm actually here. His eyes hold so many emotions it would take me eternity to count. There's so much hurt in it, he's probably remembering his days with me, they hold anger, pain, surprise but I see something that makes my heart flip. Among all the negative emotions, 

I see love...

 

*******

~Simon~

It can't be...

I haven't seen him in five years, ever since the day I finally set him free. He really was waiting for an excuse to go far away from me since he moved to another city as fast as he could.

 

I stand in front of him, taking in his features as he looks at me shocked. He hasn't changed much, he still has his long black hair, he still wears black coats, he still looks at his hands when he's worried and......

He still looks at me with love in his eyes.

But I'm not the delusional Simon I used to be, I know damn well how under that loving face is a monster who was unfaithful to me when I needed him the most. But the past is in the past and I have forgiven him, partly because I never hold grudges and partly because...

I'm still in love with him.

I never stopped. Even after all the pain he brought me, I never stopped. Because he was the one with me, when everyone left me. He helped me see whom I am, he held me when I was at my weakest and supported me even if it was fake. I can't forget all our joyous memories.

But I can't forget the pain of losing the love of my life either.

"Baz, how have you been?" I say while smiling at him. I know what I'm doing and I know what effect it has on him, and I love it.

 

******

~Baz~

I'm still trying to think of an appropriate thing to say when he finally breaks the silence.

"Baz, how have you been?" He says with a smile and I'm stunned. He says it as if we are just some colleagues from work who met a few years later. As if everything was okay between us when we last parted. As if we weren't in love and didn't share all those memories filled with love and passion together.

But I realize that he has moved on, so I'm probably just an ex at this point.

"Alive, what about you?" I say and I can see his eyes widening a little. If he thought I would be formal with him and pretend everything is okay then he is oh so wrong. I'll never say it to his face, but he hurt me more than anyone can imagine. Surely I wasn't enough but that didn't mean he could just start seeing people behind my back.

"I've been good. I'm here with my husband and son. Lovely to see you here." Oh, so he is married. I'm not surprised to be honest. I mean he literally left me for someone else but, it still hurts. It hurts so bad, He says his words again with the falsest smile he could muster, he is probably under the illusion that I can't see past his mask. What he doesn't know is that I know him more than he knows himself. He's clearly uncomfortable with me here.

"I am well aware that seeing me in here is anything but lovely for you Snow, don't bother to pretend." I say, giving him an evil smirk. Showing no signs of surprise or pain at what he just said. Reminding me of our days back in Watford.

"Look at who's talking, giving me lessons on being honest..." He trails off with an humorless chuckle. It confuses me.

"Oh as if I'm the one who was seeing someone else behind the other's back!" I snap at him and he laughs out loud.

"Well duh!" He says nonchalantly confusing me even more.

"What do you mean Snow?" I ask him while narrowing my eyes and furrowing my brows. I want to call him Simon, but I can't allow myself to do so.

"Are you serious?" He says, his tone holds anger now. As if he thinks I'm joking with him.

"I am serious!" I say, emphasizing the 'am'. I don't get it, he's confusing the hell out of me. He was the one who left me and broke my heart not the other way around. But he has always been a thickhead so I won't blame him if he's stupid enough to think I am to blame.

"Crowley Baz! You really thought I was dumb enough to not know that you were cheating on me?!" He says and I find myself getting furious at the false accusation.

I'm about to answer him when a man approaches us and puts a hand on Simons arm, asking him if he's okay and then introducing himself to me.

"Hi, I'm Edward, Simons husband. And you are?" He says while his hand reaches out for me. So this is the one who managed to lure Simon away from me. I hate this person if I think with my brain but my heart is quite fond of him, he keeps Simon happy.

"I'm Baz, surely you've known about me from the start," I say in a bitter tone. I'm not one to beat around the bush and he clearly knew about me since I never saw Simon with him when I was at home. We shake hands, and judging by the way he's holding my hand so hardly, it seems like he's tense. He chuckles.

"Of course, we actually met thanks to you. Although our first meeting wasn't a very good memory, it was still the day I met the love of my life. If it weren't for you leaving him, I would've never met him," he says while looking at Simon with a smile and he returns it. I on the other hand, frown. What does he mean? His words are implying that I left Simon and not the other way around, Simons words from earlier were implying the same thing. I'm surely missing something.

"What do you know about me?" I ask him, hoping it will finally help me understand the whole bloody shit.

"Not much, just that you are the jerk who thought someone as amazing and beautiful as Simon deserved to be cheated on." His words come out with venom and I take a step back, raising my hand.

"He told you I cheated on him?" I ask Edward, not trusting my ears at what I just heard. Surely Simon didn't say that to him. That's not what the Simon that I fell in love with would do. But Edward nods and I see red. I turn to Simon, "That's very low for someone like you snow!" I say to him, almost taking pity at what he has become. 

"You cheated on me! What is there to lie about?!" He shouts at me and I'm a about to scream at him about how much wrong his words are when the little boy runs to Simon and hugs his legs.

"Tatty, Te tucks wele chashing me," he says in between pants in his cute voice. It's Simons son. 

Edward then lift the boy in his arms and gives Simon a kiss on the forehead, making my insides burn in jealousy. That's where I used to kiss.

"Do you want to go love?" Edward asks him, reminding me of the times I used to call him love. Love was my last word to him. Simon looks at me then, as if contemplating if I'm worth his time or not. Making me remember the times I never did so when it came to him.

"I think I'll stay for a few more minutes and then I'll come home," he says, pressing his lips to Edwards as he leaves. I look away...

"Simon-" I start when Edward leaves but I'm cut off by him.

"Baz, you've already brought me enough misery. Can you please just mind your own business and not mess with my family?" He says angrily. And that's when I can't hold it anymore.

"Simon You Were The One Who Cheated On Me Not the Other Way Around! you brought me so much pain and yet you pretend that I was the one who hurt you?! While all I ever did was to try to make you happy!" I yell at him trying to put some sense into his mind but he gets even more angry at me. Before he can say anything we realize that people are starting to look at us. 

"Let's go somewhere suitable for discussing this," he says and leads the way to the cafe we used to go to regularly.

When we sit, I start.

"Simon you were the one who left me. You were seeing someone else, you didn't want me, you asked me to get lost. And I did, I went far away so that you wouldn't see me ever again. But when you broke up with me, did you not think about what I would go through? It wasn't the other way around Simon. Then why are you faking oblivion?" I calmly ask him.

"What person are you talking about Baz? I never cheated on you and yes I did break up with you but wasn't it the best thing in your life? You could finally be with whomever it was freely." He said and took a sip of his coffee. He still likes it with no cream or sugar. 

"The break up was the worst memory of my life, even worse than losing my mother. It shattered me into pieces Simon! And what person are you talking about?" I confess and then ask him.

"You really thought I didn't know?" He said with a dark laugh.

"Know what?" I ask confused.

"Oh wow, you truly believed I was dumb. You thought you would change your password and stay out till late when you think I'm sleeping and go on dates to where we used to go and talk on the phone quietly and I wouldn't know?! I left you so that you would stop having to pretend to be in love with me when you clearly didn't want to," he yells at me.

I take a moment to process this.

He thought I was cheating on him,

He left thinking I didn't love him,

He wasn't seeing someone else,

He was still in love with me,

He is married now,

He has a son,

He is happy.

My heart clenches in my chest. What have you done Snow?

 

~Simon~

I see tears in Baz's eyes and they should be of guilt realizing that he hurt me. But all I see is pain and hurt. He seems as if he's contemplating something. As if he wants to tell me something but he doesn't want to at the same time.

"You don't know what you've done," He finally says with a hurt voice, looking at me with his red teary eyes. I've never seen him more lost and vulnerable. He stands up, wanting to leave but I grab his hand. I've known him for so long, I know that he wants to tell me something.

"Elaborate," I say and he shakes his head but sits down back again.

"Tell me about Edward," he says instead.

"We met a few months after we broke up. I was in a bad place, worse than I had ever been. Even Penny couldn't comfort me anymore. I was drunk in a bar, not being able to move when he came and helped me up. He took me to our apartment, it only brought back memories. I spilled everything, but thankfully Penny knew that I drank a lot so she had put a spell on me to make sure I didn't mention anything about magic." I say and he looks confused.

"Edward is a normal," I explain to him before continuing. "He stayed with me the whole night, holding me while I cried. He took me out the next day. Days turned into months and we moved in. That's where Alan comes in, he was Edwards cousins son. Just two months old when his parents died in a car crash. It was tragic and since I had known them for a while, we adopted him. He proposed to me a few months later, I couldn't say no," I say and I can see him wince. Maybe he regrets leaving me, but it wouldn't matter anymore.

"Are you happy with him? More than you were with me?" He asks me as if he's trying to make a decision and wants to do the right thing. But the question, it hits somethings deep inside me. So I tell him the truth.

"When you left for New York, there was this numbness inside me. As if life had been sucked out of me and I wasn't capable of feeling anymore. When I met Edward, the numbness stated to lessen. I had thought finding someone again would fill the empty feeling. But it only lessened, it never ended. With you, it wasn't there. So yes I am happy with Edward, we are equals. He loves me and supports me, we have a beautiful family. And even if I was more happy with you, it doesn't matter anymore. I wouldn't give them away for any luxury in the world." I tell him, being completely honest.

"Do you love him?" He asks then, his tone making my heart clench in my chest.

"Yes I do love him..." I trail off, not sure if I want to tell him the complete truth or not. But it seems like he does know what's going on inside my mind.

"But?" He asks, almost sure that there is supposed to be a but.

"But...I'm not in love with him," I tell him, shifting in my seat as I see his eyes widen.

"Does he know?" He asks calmly, as if I'm a child. 

"Of course he does! I know better than to hide things from my partner," I snap at him, 'unlike you' left unsaid. He winces again and looks at his hands.

"Simon, I'm glad that you're happy. I should go now." He says and stands up for the second time as I grab his arm for the second time. This time I'm not patient, ever since I was eleven until I was twenty one, I've lived with him. I know he's hiding something from me.

"Baz, I know you're hiding something. I want to know what it is," I say, holding his hand tightly. He then looks towards me and the door multiple times, as if trying to decide what's best. I tighten my grip on his arm even more, which makes him finally give in. But he still looks unsure, I wonder what it is?

"I don't think you want to hear this Simon," he says while taking his seat back again.

"I don't care, just spill whatever it is," I say impatiently. Does he have cancer? Did something happen to Ebb? Is he married too? Is the Humdrum back?

"Simon, I never cheated on you-" he starts and I see red, how dare he?

"Are you-" I start but he cuts me off. 

"No, please, listen to me once and then say whatever you want to say." He pleads and I nod.

"You thought I was cheating on you, but I wasn't."

Lies, I think.

"It was our anniversary in a month,"

He remembered? That's surprising.

"I wasn't in that restaurant for a date, I was there to make a special reservation for us."

I try to protest, but he shuts me before I can start.

"Did you ever see me with someone else?"

I shake my head.

"I changed my password because I didn't want you to know about my surprise,"

I don't know how to feel, maybe he's lying? But his eyes say otherwise. I've known Baz even before I've been able to know myself. He isn't lying. But what about the nights I want to ask him and he answers before I bring the words out of my mouth.

"The nights I was gone..." He stops, is this where he finally admits he was seeing someone else?

"I was in the Pitch Manor,"

What was he doing there?

"I was searching, for my mothers belongings,"

What would he do with them? Why did it take so long?

"My father had spell proofed them, It took me fourteen nights,"

Baz...

Baz wasn't cheating on me?

I don't know how to feel,

It's over whelming, it's too much.

"I was searching for her ring," 

Why would he- no,

No, it can't be

No...

"I wanted to propose to you Simon," he says and I lose my mind.

My vision is blurry and I can't see what is happening. My heart is beating fast, I can't breathe. I can't bring myself to think, it too much. The pain in my heart, it has increased ten fold. I struggle to breathe but it feels like there is no oxygen in air. It hurts, it hurts too much.

Baz never cheated on me,

He was in love with me,

He left thinking I didn't love him anymore,

He left thinking I cheated on him,

He left because he thought that was what I wanted,

Baz was going to propose to me and I broke his heart.

Yet he didn't want to tell me today, because he wanted me to be happy.

What have I done?

I hold my head in my hands as I sob, what have I done.

I never stopped loving Baz, I want to hold him and pretend the past five years didn't exist. But it wouldn't be fair to Edward and Alan. 

But the cruel injustice I've done to Baz, it not fair for him either.

I don't know what to do

What have I done?

 

~Baz~ 

I tell him, and it feels like I'm reliving it all back again. I see tears in Simons eyes, he hold his head in his hand as he cries. He has realized what he has done. I want to comfort him, but I'm not sure if I'm welcome to do so. 

Maybe I should leave, maybe it would help him forget if I just left right now and never came back. But my heart wouldn't let me. I'm trying to decide what to do when I see Simon lose his composure and faint. 

******

Edward rushes to the hospital, asking me what happened with venom in his tone.

"What happened to him? If you did something to him I swear I will kill you! Haven't you brought him enough pain?! Do you-" he starts yelling at me and but I cut him off.

"I just told him something he didn't know," I say and he looks confused.

"Something that has changed the way he thinks and feels about me." I explain. I'm not sure if he is more confused or angry at the moment but I decide to ignore it. 

"He's in safe hands now, I should leave. Please just give him this letter and box when he wakes up. I promise I would never come near him again," I tell him being honest.

Simon is in the hospital now and Edward is here too. If I leave him, he won't be alone. I'm walking out as I remember something.

"Edward!" I shout, he looks at me and I walk to him.

"I just remembered I had something to say. Thank you, for taking care of him and making him happy. I know Simon can be a handful sometimes. He's fragile, like fine china. He needs to be taken care of with love and caution. I'm glad you have finally given him a family. Please keep loving him and supporting him. He has been broken so many times its a miracle he's still in one piece, he has lost so much. Please don't ever leave him," I say with nothing but appreciation and respect. 

Surely life hasn't been fair to me, but it isn't his fault either. I know he will reply with a rude and sharp remark about how I couldn't do the same. I can't blame him for thinking that way fate has always been cruel to me. But before he says anything, I walk towards the room where Simon is being kept. Taking one last look at the love of my life before running outside with vampire speed, not caring about what Edward would think.

 

******

~Simon~

I open my eyes to see bright white light, making me close them again. A hand is holding mine, I wish it were cold with long lean fingers, but it isn't. Edward is holding my hand with his warm yet not so comforting hand. I open my eyes again, finally adjusting to the brightness. 

"Simon, how are you feeling?" I hear Edward ask as I turn my head to see him and realize I'm in a hospital. The last thing I saw....

"Where's Baz?" I instantly ask him. He looks the other way upon hearing Baz's name. I suppose not everyone is fond of their husbands ex. 

"Why do you care Simon? Wasn't he the reason you were dead inside while physically alive, in the worst state?" Edward asks, trying to remind me of the past.

"No, Edward, he wasn't." I tell him looking at the ceiling above me. I can't meet him in the eyes. I don't know what he is thinking but I sense him standing up. There is a folded page and box at the table beside my bed. He takes them and hands them to me before leaving,

"He asked me to give these to you," 

I take the page and unfold it.

 

Dear Simon,

You are in the hospital room across me as I write this. Edward is on his way, he will be here shortly. I'm glad you have found someone who is an equal to you in terms of magic so you no longer feel any less. I found your little boy quite adorable, I'm happy Edward could give you the family that I couldn't. 

I never moved on Snow, I'm still in love with you. I have been, before I even knew what love was. But maybe we will get to be together in our next life. But in this life, I hope you fall in love with Edward and live a happy and content life with your family. Please don't worry about me, the only thing that makes me happy is knowing that you are. I won't come into your life ever again, so try to forget me and what we had, the way you did in the past years.

Simon, if you truly want me to be happy, then keep yourself happy. Because the true comfort and joy of my heart lies within yours. I am a vampire, a monster, you are lucky to find a partner in someone like Edward. He will keep you happy and content.

Nothing is fair in love and war Snow, maybe it wasn't meant to be fair for me either. I have an eternity in front of me and I believe your memories will be enough for me in this long journey. 

Never look at the past Simon, look at the beautiful future you have with your family. I'm proud of you. 

With lots of love,  
Baz

 

I lose track of time as I keep reading it again and again. My eyes have turned dry due to the continuous tears. Baz has left...

But his words...

They will remain carved in my heart till death. I can't even imagine how much selfless Baz is. He's in pain, I know.

My eye catches the box he left for me, I take it with shaky hands and open it. I gasp...

It's the Pitch family ring. 

The one he was going to propose to me with.

There is a tiny note besides it,

'I have kept this with me for the past five years, but I believe it belongs to you. You can discard it or wear it, it's yours to choose.'

I hold the ring in my fist as I look out of the window at the stormy sky.

What have I done...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual second chapter will be up soon and just in case you read this. This only happens for Maria, there's a happy ending for the rest of y'all.


	3. Will You Marry Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I know I know I'm late but I had exam, I still do. So anyways here's the chapter y'all have been waiting for, hopefully it won't disappoint.

Penny~

I'm watching Hannibal with Micah when the doorbell rings, Micah pauses the tv show. I hand him my bowl of popcorn that has yet been sitting on my lap and stand up to go and answer the door, sighing while doing so. We had both finally taken a day off to stay in pajamas and relax a little, his research and my job made it impossible for us to have some times just for ourselves and enjoy a bit.

I quickly open the door to dismiss whomever it was to continue our night but the sight that I meet upon opening the door makes me gasp. It's Simon, in the worst state I've seen him up to date. His golden hair is disheveled, instead of the cute curls that Baz loves. He is looking downwards, not willing to meet my eyes but when he finally does, my heart clenches in my chest. His eyes are red and puffy, he's been crying, but why?

Simon seems like he's trying hard to breathe, I instantly step forward and hold him in my arms tightly. I want to ask him what happened but he doesn't look like he's capable of speaking at the moment so I just let him sob into my shoulder. I see Micah coming out of our room, looking confused while gesturing with his hands, asks me what happened.

Micah and Simon aren't as close as me and Simon but they've known each other for a while and can be considered friends. There are times we go on double dates with Baz and Simon. I remember the first time Simon met him, even though Simon has always been the soft one out us, he had still manage to give Micah a death glare and threaten to end him if he ever hurt me.

I bring one of my hands up and put it on my lips, it's enough for Micah to understand I want him to be quiet, not that he had been making any sound. He then goes back inside the room to give me and Simon space. It's one of the many beautiful things I love about him, one of his rare qualities. Micah always understands, no matter how much effort we had put to finally enjoy a day together, he still compromises and gives me a genuine smile with a thumbs up. He's wishing me good luck, and judging by Simons current state, I need hell a lot of it.

He finally pulls back and looks at me in the eyes. His eyes hold so much pain it hurts me to look at them. I've known Simon since I was eleven, I remember the day we first met. I was talking to my mum on the phone when my eyes had caught the sight of a redhead with shining curls, he was holding his wand the wrong way. I had approached him and helped him that day and we had become inseparable ever since. I've been with him through his best and worst yet I've never seen him so much wrecked. It makes my heart ache. I hold his hand and bring him to the couch, sitting besides him. 

"Simon, what happened?" I ask him carefully while keeping my voice low, as if talking to an injured and lost puppy.

He looks up at me, "Penny, I...I broke up, with Baz," he says, his voice barely above a whisper. I feel taken aback. Out of all the possibilities, this is what I never saw coming, what I expected the least. Because while normals had Romeo and Juliet, the Mage world has Simon and Baz. Why would he do such a thing?

"What?! Why Simon?" I can't help but ask him. Simon and Baz are so in love, I would've probably thought it was a prank if it weren't for Simons puffy and red eyes. 

He looks at me, holding my hand tightly, "He..he was cheating on me," he tells me quietly and I can't help but try to resist my urge to laugh. This is probably a dream. I may not be a very close friend of Baz, but even a stranger is able to see the way Baz looks at Simon. 

I remember the talk I had had with him after I found out they were together. The way Baz had spoken of Simon, it had touched my heart deeply. Baz would rather burn into ashes than hurt Simon.

"With whom?" I still ask, because if I've learned something from my years of friendship with Simon, it's that Simon is very gullible and sometimes sees something the wrong way and believes it immediately.

"I don't know," he tells me. 

"Then how do you know he's cheating on you?" I ask him softly, Simon isn't in the best emotional state right now but I still need to interrogate him to make sure he didn't jump to false assumptions.

********

Simon~

"....so I broke up with him," I finish telling her the whole story. She looks sad for me but in her eyes I can see that she still doesn't completely believe me. She doesn't say anything against Baz.

Why doesn't my best friend believe in my words? I find myself hating Baz more and more, not did he only break my heart but he has also persuaded my best friend to the point that she doesn't believe me, brilliant!

"Simon, what did he do after you asked him to break up?" She asks me, her eyes filled with hope. I bet she wants this to be a misunderstanding and I wish for the same thing, except it's unfortunately not.

"He had the guts to hold my hands and ask me what happened with concern all over his face, the way he said that Pen, I..I almost believed him. He's probably taking acting lessons, the way he pretended he didn't know anything...its just...I..." I trail off, not dining the right words to express how I feel. I can feel tears in my eyes, threatening to fall. Penny just hugs me and I cry into her shoulder.

 

********

Baz~

I let the strong alcohol burns its way down my throat as I struggle to forget the moments from a few hours ago. But I'm well aware that it's not that simple to get over the person who never left your mind and heart for more than a decade. Simon was-is my everything, I'll never be over him. It would be a miracle even if this drink helps me a bit. 

I don't remember how long I've been here, but the bartender informs me that the place is closing. I pay him, and if the tip is a little too much, nobody is losing anything. I've already lost my everything.

I walk out and the cold breeze hits me, inside the bar, I was in a half conscious state. I wasn't drunk, but my senses were lost. I could think so clearly but yet it felt like I was submerged underwater where the sounds around me were inaudible. The wind, however, brought me back to my senses, suddenly I'm aware of my surroundings, my vampire instincts kicking in instantly. 

I hail a cab and give the driver the address to our- my- I'm sure who the apartment belongs to at the moment. Looking out of the glass window, I see people. I mean, I've always seen people, but not really to be honest. Whenever I went out, either I was with Simon, walking besides me with our hands intertwined, or I was too occupied by his thought to look at the world around me. 

 

But now, I can find myself looking at those people and paying attention to the little things about them I never thought I would. Simon has always been in my thoughts, it's like an involuntary action. I can't control it, it just happens and I let it. It's not like I would mind thinking about Simon my whole life. But right now, I want to focus on somethings else, I can't bear to think of the person who I fell in love with, who isn't mine anymore. So I look outside at the pavement, I notice the little things about the normals. How the little girls is yanking her mothers skirt, trying so hard to get her attention while she's busy on her phone. It these type of parents that make me angry, nothing should matter to you more than you child.

We drive by a coffee shop, the big glass window shows everything happening inside. I can see how the brunette girl smiles and blushes when the blonde boy across her says something. I can see love in his eyes for her, the same as I have for Simon. I hope they get their happy ending. 

No

I'm not supposed to think of Simon

So I look outside again,

There is a group of girls walking out of the cinema. All four of them laughing while looking so alive, so hopeful. Their eyes are shining while reflecting the light coming from the moon. They way they radiate life with their aura, it reminds me of Simon and how much life he radiates around him. How, even if he isn't in his best state, he yet makes me feel more alive than I ever have. How-No, no thinking about Simon

We are driving past a grocery store, there's a teenage boy walking outside with bags in his hands. He looks tired, I can see it from the wrinkles on his forehead despite his young age, his dark circles that he's trying to hide by looking down, the way his frame is trying to make itself smaller. All of his features seem to be tense, except for his hair, his blue hair spiked up. It's the exact same shade as Simon's eyes, I'm more than sure. I can never forget the beautiful bright blue orbs that lured me in until I had no way out, the eyes that gave me hope when I was kidnapped by fucking numpties. His mesmerizing eyes that soothed me with just a single glance, that put my restless heart at ea- 

Aliester Crowley

It's impossible not to let my mind wander back its way to Simon Snow,

I've never felt more hopeless and helpless. 

The cab stops and I'm pulled out of my train of thoughts, we've arrived ho...

Is it even home if Simon is not there?

 

Once I place foot into our apartment, all the memories from earlier today come rushing back. The way Simon held hurt in his eyes as he spoke, the way he yanked his arm away and walked out. I wanted to follow him, so badly. I know he is with Penny right now, I would've gone to him and tried to talk to him if things were different but it's no use anymore.

He had been distant for some time, almost a month. He no longer initiated any kisses the way he loved to do so and when I kissed him and he turned away. Simon stopped making me breakfast in bed, he stopped saying 'I love you', he stopped making breakfast in bed for me, whenever I came back from work, he was already asleep. He was barely there. I had thought that maybe it was his depression again and decided to give him as much time and space as he wanted. But now I realize it was never that.

He wasn't depressed, he was just miserable around me, Simon had found someone else.

I walk into the bedroom and that's when I realize that I can't be here anymore. It feels like I'm suffocating in the room. Simon Snow is the love of my life, but apparently I wasn't enough. And now he's gone, he has left me forever.

*******

Baz~

I click send and then decide I should tell Penny. I send her a text,

'I'm assuming Simon is with you, tell him I'm leaving London tomorrow.   
And that I wish he and his lover best of luck."

 

******

Penny~

 

I put a blanket on Simon and ruffle his hair a bit when I hear my phone beep. Simon had cried on my shoulder before falling asleep like that. I wish I could help him and from the way he described things, I still had my doubt. As much as I trust Simon, I knew that Baz wasn't one to do something so low. I grab phone, it's a text from Baz.

'I'm assuming Simon is with you, tell him I'm leaving London tomorrow.  
And that I wish him and his lover best of luck."

What?

What lover is Baz speaking of?

I can't help the confusion increasing in my mind, all I bloody wanted was one day just for me and Micah. But these two lovebirds have completely messed up. And being the mom friend, it's my obligation to solve this whole mystery.

'What lover are you talking of?' 

I text him back. Why would Baz think Simon has a lover? Maybe Simon is right, Baz thought Simon has a lover and cheated on him? But why can't I bring myself to even imagine Baz with someone other than Simon.

Instead of a text, I get a call.

"Baz, what lover are you talking of? You know Simon loves you!" I say first thing as I pick up, not even letting him say something.

"What do you mean Penelope? He didn't tell you?" He asks me, sounding confused. But more than anything, I can sense the hurt in his tone. It seems like he is completely drained.

"Tell me what? He only told me that you are cheating on him so he broke up with you. He doesn't have a lover. Simon would never do-" Baz cuts me off.

"I did what?!??" Baz almost shouts and I have to move the phone away from my ear to protect my eardrums.

I explain it all to him, everything that Simon told me. I have a headache by now and Micah is probably asleep. But hopefully their problem will be solved.

Once I finish, all I hear is Baz laughing and then hanging up. I don't understand, his laugh sounded so lively and genuine but I can't seem to understand the reason for it. Is he happy that Simon finally left him? Has he gone crazy because of heartbreak?

Simon and Baz are fucking tragedies and it's the only reason the two of them can live together and understand each other. I hope they go back to normal soon but Baz isn't picking up my calls or answering my texts. 

I walk to the bedroom to find Micah snoring lightly, I smile at him, and his adorable little snores that I've gotten used to. I want to join him but I don't think I'll be able to sleep so I pour myself some alcohol and sit on the couch besides where Simon is sleeping.

*****

Baz~

 

I can't believe it

Simon you dumb fuck,

I love you so much

I'm coming.

******

Simon~

 

The constant ringing of the doorbell wakes me up. I open my eyes to see Penny walking to the door while muttering curses at whomever is on the other side of the it. I stand up and notice the slight ache in my back, seems like I fell asleep on the couch.

Which reminds me of what happened before I fell asleep. 

I had almost forgot...

Baz,

I broke up with him.

Penny opens the door and none other than Pitch walks inside, looking around impatiently before his eyes find me. He rushes over to me using his vampire speed and hugs me.

What does he want now? I push him away. How dare he? Even after breaking my heart he thinks I will forgive him?

"Simon..." He says in between pants. He seems out of breathe and for a vampire to be out of breathe means they have travelled faster than their ability. He's smiling- no he's basically grinning ear to ear. It makes my heart clench in my chest and my hands turn into fists.

"What do you want?" I coldly ask him, venom in my voice. But it doesn't seem to affect him, why would he care anyways. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Penny yawning and walking into her bedroom. Did she just ditch me for sleep?

"Simon," he takes a few steps towards me again. I stay right where I am.

"You scared me," he says, chuckling while doing so. What does he mean? I stay quiet and let him talk. He basically looks like as if he has been granted all the happiness on earth. I don't know if I should feel happy or hurt by that.

"I...I thought I lost you..." he says, I can see the pain in his eyes, the way he is looking down, not daring to meet my eyes.

"You already have," I spit, and if tones could kill, he would be dead by now, except he just smiles.

"Saying that you were dumb was an understatement," he says, laughing with tears in his eyes. How dare he insult me at- I glance at the clock- 2 am? 

"It truly was, I'm more than dumb to ever make the mistake of falling in love with someone unfaithful like you and trusting you blindly," I say, my voice void of any emotion. I see him being taken aback just a little before he gives me a genuine smile.

"Simon, just listen to what I have to say once. I have a flight booked for 8 am, I'll leave if you ask me to, but please listen to me first," he pleaded and I nod. The sooner this end, the sooner he can go away.

"I wasn't cheating on you Simon, I can't even imagine myself doing so. You are the love of my life and I wouldn't give what we have away for anything. Our anniversary was in a month when I was just walking home from work when I saw this man proposing to a woman by the fountain. I couldn't get it out of my mind. It was supposed to be a surprise on our anniversary but I guess I'll have to tell you now.

I've been planning to propose to you Simon, because I love you infinitely and I would love nothing more than marrying you and starting a family of our own. It was supposed to be a surprise, hence why I changed my password or spoke in hushed voices. I should've been more careful" he chuckles.

"I wasn't going on dates love, I was visiting the restaurant because I was making a special reservation for us and there were many things to be discussed which is why I had to pay more than one visit.

As for me being gone during the night..." he pauses a bit.

"I was in the Pitch manor all those night. Father had spell proofed my mothers belongings so it took me a while till I found them. I wanted to properly propose to you, with the traditional Pitch ring. 

I wanted it to be the most amazing day of your life Simon, I'm sorry that I ended up unintentionally hurting you. I should've pain more attention to you." He finishes and I can't find words.

I'm taken aback, utterly speechless. I want to say something, anything, to express how I feel at the moment but it feels like too much right now, it's overwhelming. But deep inside, my heart has stopped aching. It's feels content and happy. Baz doesn't wait for me to say something.

He sits on one knee and takes a black box out of his pocket. My breathe hitches in my throat.

"Simon Snow, I imagined this to be completed different but now I realize. There's nothing normal about us. Back in fifth year, I remember thinking about making you trip and fall, and then helping you back up and kissing you. I was hit hard. 

Spending all those years thinking one day one of us will kill the other, it broke my heart apart. Knowing that the closest I'll ever get to you is the the small space between our beds was more difficult than one can imagine. You were the chosen one, the hero, you radiated life, you were fated to end me. 

But I had fallen in love with you and at that point, if we had to battle, I'd happily let you kill me. You were the sun and I was crashing into you. But that night when you kissed me, my whole life changed. I had lost my mother, my humanity, but I found you. 

I've been in love with you before I even knew what love was, and I'll keep loving you until my heart stops beating. Because there is nobody who knows me better than you, nobody whom I'd rather spend my life with.

So Simon Snow, Chosen One, will you marry me Tyrannus Basilton Grimm Pitch, and make me the luckiest man on earth?"

There are tears streaming from both our eyes by the time he ends and I can't help but look at the ring in awe. It looks gender neutral, a golden band with a unique carving on it that I've never seen before. Baz is still, he looks nervous, 

"It..its okay if y..you don't want to, I..I understand, I can take th..that flight first thing i..in the-" I finally realize why he seems so tense, this is the first time I've seen Baz strutter.

"Yes," I cut him off.

He looks at me with disbelief. As if he his senses are fooling him and I didn't just say yes to him.

"A thousand times yes," I say and his face lightens up. He puts the ring on my finger and it fits as if it were made for me. Baz looks like he's on cloud nine, so am I. It's like as if a burden has been taken off of his back. I jump into his arms and we hug each other tightly,

"Cowey I sed much now," he says with his face buried in the crook of my neck. And I pull back to hear him correctly, "what?" I ask him.

"I said I missed this so much Snow," he says and then presses his soft lips into mine. It's feels like I'm finally home back again. We kiss with passion, me tugging his hair and his hands on my waist. I don't know how long we've been kissing when we are interrupted by the sound of clapping.

We are both alarmed as we pull away, turns out it's Penny and Micah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me forever and sorry if there were any mistakes <3\. Constructive criticism is always ep welcome as well as hate since I love to improve my skills and roast ppl of needed.


End file.
